Loneliness
by SammieeJay
Summary: Tom and Nikki. The title basically explains it :)
1. Everyone gets lonely

**_A/N/: Okay so this part isn't really Tikki, its more Tom. But the end...well you'll know what I mean:P I'm not sure if this is any good, never wrote Tikki before or Tom alone for that matter...hmm. Hope its okay. I chose to do the book Of Mice and Men because its to do with Loneliness and that's mainly what this part is about. :) P.S. I LOVE QUOTES woo. Hope you enjoy! Sammiee Jay xo_**

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**_Disclaimer: I do not own Waterloo Road, Never have, Never will. If I did, Tom and Nikki would be together already..._**

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**_"Maybe ever'body in the whole damn world is scared of each other." _**

**_~ John Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men_**

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_ "Lennie smiled with his bruised mouth. 'I di'nt want no trouble,' he said. He walked towards the door, but just before he came to it he turned back. 'George?' 'What you want?' 'I can still tend the rabbits, George?' 'Sure. You aint done nothing wrong.' 'I di'nt mean no harm, George.' 'Well get the hell out and was your face.'" _

_Tom read aloud from his old copy of the old classic 'Of Mice and Men'._

_He looked up at his relatively small class, all nearly half asleep._

_He couldn't help but miss having Josh in his class. Yes, he was a handful some of the time; but weren't they all? He sighed._

_"So can anyone tell me what your first impressions of George and Lennie are, after reading the first three chapters?" He asked, unenthusiastically. _

_A dull silence descended on the room everyone staying silent. _

_Tom raised his eyebrows, throwing his book down onto his wooden desk, the sound of two objects colliding with a slap resounding throughout the classroom causing the students heads to all bolt upright._

_"Everybody in this class is predicted to pass with at least a C grade GCSE! If you can't even tell answer this question, you will be lucky to get a D!" He ranted at his class._

_He was worried about Josh; he hadn't slept properly since he'd moved back to Rochdale and he hadn't been eating a lot. It didn't feel right being in the house on his own; no matter how old he was...everyone gets lonely._

_His eyes scanned the room, hopefully._

_"Kevin?" He half said and half sighed, he hadn't thought of him as the 'smart type' he thought he was just going to ask a ridiculous question like most people had done that lesson._

_Kevin put his pen down, leaning back in his chair with ease._

_"Well, everyone has different perceptions of people's characters but personally I find George very serious. He's controlling, serious and loves being in control of Lennie. However he is very caring, intelligent maybe, mature responsible and probably the most important, he's very patient." He said as he looked at tom, before he continued. "Whereas Lennie is very childish. He's forgetful, enthusiastic, reliant on George and He is dopey." He said, as if he was bored._

_Tom's eyes widened at his answer. _

_'Note to self; never prejudge people...'_

* * *

_ "Tom? Tom...TOM!" Michael shouted in his strong Scottish accent. Tom snapped out of his daydream._

_"Sorry Michael...what's up?" He asked, sitting up sipping at his tea._

_"I should be asking you that question, mate..." Sighing, he sat down next to him, lacing his fingers together. "Talk, it makes everything easier."_

_Tom looked up before looking back down again. _

_"It's not the same without Josh...I almost hate letting people into my life because sooner or later they leave," He sighed. "Izzie, Davina, Lorna, Sam, Denzil...Nikki..." He sighed, before looking up. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears. _

_"Nikki?" He said, his hand resting on his arm._

_"Yeah." He sighed. "Nikki. I liked her Michael, I do. I miss her. I miss them all!" He said, close to tears._

_"I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through mate, 'cause I really don't. All I can say is that you will find the right person for you someday. And as my mother once told me, everything will be alright in the end and if everything is not okay, it isn't the end." He said softly before standing up and brushing down his trousers._

_"You never know, the right person for you may be closer than you think." He smiled._

_"Thanks Michael, but I'm not into all that...'gay' stuff..." He said, his tone laced with amusement._

_Michael laughed. "I meant...no, you'll see what I mean soon enough." He smiled before leaving the staffroom but not before nicking one chocolate biscuit. _

_"...Just before chalky arrives..." He chuckled leaving the room finally._

_Tom finally cracked a smile and rolled his eyes before looking down at his shoes._

_Closer than I think? Yeah, doubt it._

* * *

_Tom looked at his phone as he heard it beep on his desk during the last lesson of the day. He couldn't hide the smile that graced his lips as he read the name on the screen._

_'Josh'_

_He clicked open and waited for the text to show._

_'Alright Dad, How are you keeping? Rochdale feels weird without you here. The jobs going well:'-) Caught up with Dan yesterday, you know my friend from year 7 that moved to a private school? He was asking about you:'-) heard the news about the 'new' member of your team? Have a feeling you may be happy;-) Anyway, Later Dad. Josh x'_

_As he read it, his smile only grew wider. _

_What did he mean by 'New'? _

_Why do I not know about this? I'm supposed to be half the deputy head!_

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_"Alright Tommo!" Matt chirped walking into his classroom at the end of the day._

_No, surely not? I told Michael I wasn't into gay stuff!_

_"Alright Matt..." Replied Tom, warily._

_"You heard?" He smiled, walking up to the desk tapping away at his phone._

_"Heard? Heard what?"_

_"Oh, doesn't matter..." He said awkwardly. _

_"Matt tell me...I've had enough of not knowing. First Michael, then Josh texted me – and he's back in Rochdale for God sake! Now you? What the hell is going on?" He said, looking up at him._

_"It's not anything bad, I think you'll find it quite good! I mean-" He stuttered before he got cut off._

_"Alright Clarkson," A woman's voice interrupted the male's conversation._

_No. It can't be._

_Tom's head swung round to face the door to see her leant against the door frame. Dressed in black trousers –nothing new there- he thought, cheekily. A black fitted top showing off her perfectly flat stomach and a blazer. Her medium length brown hair hung perfectly around her face. Her white teeth showing as she smiled widely, lips coated in a red gloss._

_It is._

_"Nikki?" He whispered into the silence._


	2. Hidden secrets

**A/N: Had writers block but managed to scrape an update together:-) Poor Nikki:( I still love quotes;D **

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**Disclaimer: I do not own waterloo road or any of the characters. If I did, then...who am I kidding, I never would anyway:-)**

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**This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you. ~**

**Don McLean**

Tom stared at her. How could someone so beautiful be on this earth?

Her eyes, how they sparkled like two freshly polished diamonds. The way the sun shone through the window accentuating her natural beauty. The way her perfect unblemished skin appeared to be glowing as she stood there, looking at him. He became aware of a hand flapping in front of his face.

Shit... I was totally just eyeing her up.

"Tom mate, I think I'm gonna go 'cos this might get a tad awks if I stay here much longer...you's two have a lot of 'catching up' to do...get rid of the sexual tension and all that..." He said awkwardly before strutting out, swiping his fringe out of his eyes, swaying his hips and tapping at his phone once again.  
Tom looked at him and chuckled before glancing back up to find Nikki next to him.  
"Surprise!" She giggled.  
"I hate surprises..." He teased to which she slapped his arm. "Ow! But I think I could get to like this one..." He replied cheekily causing her to giggle.  
"What brings you back here then?" He asked as a genuine question.

He couldn't help but think... Would we be together if she'd of come to Greenok straight away?

Nikki shrugged. "I had nothing to stay for down there...Michael offered the job again so I thought what the hell and took it." She smiled.

However, in truth; she had been just as lonely as Tom had. It turned out that sitting at home with a cup of tea and going for a jog every morning wasn't as interesting as the staffroom gossip made it sound.

Tom raised his eyebrows and poked her side. "Andddd you missed me." He added cheekily to which Nikki scoffed.

"Missed you just as much as I missed Grantly." She winked.

Tom gasped, holding a clenched fist to the place on his chest that his heart lay beneath. "Ouch Nik. That was harsh." He said, mock offended.

"Oh man up Clarkson!" Nikki giggled, punching his arm playfully.

Shit she can punch hard! He bit his lip to stop a whimper escape his lips.

Act cool.

Nikki flashed her radiant smile once again before tucking a stray piece of her medium length shiny hair behind her ear.

"I better go get my classroom all sorted for tomorrow." She smiled.

Tom nodded, "I'll come and help. Give me a second," he smiled. Nikki smiled her thanks before running up the corridor to her classroom.

Tom finally let the biggest smile grace his lips.

Getting out his phone he opened Josh's text again and hit the 'reply' before typing out a reply to his son.

'Yes. I have seen the 'new' staff member. I have to say I am very happy;-) glad your enjoying Rochdale son; and that the job is going well. Dan! Tell Robert I said hi! Not seen him in years:-) I'll call you tonight mate. Dad.'

He pressed 'send' before putting his phone in his back pocket and making his way to Nikki's classroom.

"Alright Boston." He laughed as he saw her bent down on the floor, looking in her drawer. She looked up, swearing as she hit her head on the edge of her desk.

"What are you doing down there?" Tom questioned, raising his eyebrows and walking over, holding out a hand to help her up.

"looking through my bottom drawer." She said to which he stifled a laugh. "Not a word." She chuckled. The smile was put on, of course. She was looking for something specific. Her head ducked down again and her eyes scanned the possessions she had in her hand bag which was in her bottom drawer. Her hand reached out and clutched the little white envelope with 'Nikki x' scribbled on it neatly in black ink.

Tom was watching her closely.

"Nik?" He spoke, a questioning tone to his voice as his eyes scanned over her saddened features.

Nikki shook her head and put the envelope safely in her drawer and stood up, smiling.

"Sorry, Nikki's back on earth," she giggled.

"Right, let's get your classroom back to normal." He smiled.

An hour later, they had finished. Pens had been thrown at each other, drawers had been filled and photo's had been framed.

"Thanks for this Tom," Nikki smiled, stood by the window. There's a thin veil of pale late night moonlight streaming into the room, shedding a cool light in the dimly grey and dull classroom. She's stood there, limp, drained from keeping her emotions at bay. She feels purged. Empty.

Tom noticed this and looked concerned, walking up behind her and resting a hand softly on her upper arm.  
"Nik, are you sure your okay?" he asked, earning a convincing smile and nod of Nikki.  
"Alright, you coming to the pub? The other's will still be there," he offered, shrugging on his jacket. Nikki looked at him.

"I'll meet you there, there's just something I need to do first." She smiled.

Tom smiled and nodded before leaving the classroom. She waited till she saw his car drive out of the gates before walking over to her desk, picking up the crisp white envelope up.

She carefully opened it again as she walked over to the window. She had read the letter so many times. It just felt like a comfort. She straightened out the piece of A5 paper and read the perfectly written words, scribbled on the paper in black ink. She could almost feel her sisters pain in the style of writing. She felt a tear roll down her perfect, unblemished skin.

_**'Dear my darling baby sister Nikki,**_

_**As you know, I have been ill for a very long time now. My health has deteriorated a lot recently and I know it will not be long before it is my time. This is why I am writing you this little letter now.**_  
_**I want you to take the job offer that Byrne offered you at Waterloo Road, Nik. For me.**_  
_**I know how hard it was for you to say goodbye to that place and the kids with that came with it. Especially the father and Son you were always telling me about, but you did it for me.**_  
_**I want you to be happy when I go, remember all the good times. Don't be sad. I will no longer be in pain, you'll be free.**_  
_**I love you so much little sis, I always have and I always will. Whether I'm a shining star in the sky or a guardian angel, I'll always be shining my light on you and watching over you.**_  
_**Love you always sweetheart,**_  
_**Amanda xx'**_

Nikki felt another tear roll down her cheek, joining with the last as it rolled off her face and bounced onto the windowsill. Her fingertips were against the glass window as she held the letter close to her heart, looking up at the sky; as if she was looking at her sister.


	3. What to feel?

**_A/N: Managed to scrape together another update...then technology decided to hate me and it deleted what I'd written...so I wrote this...I'm not happy with it...but I'm never happy with my writing...haha anyway, hope you enjoy, Sammiee x _**

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_**Disclaimer: I do not own Waterloo Road or any of the characters :-)**_

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**_Chapter Three._**

_Nor is love._

_Feelings are never true._

_They play with their mirrors**. **~_

**_Jean Baudrillard_**

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_Early morning, again._

The quiet of a virtually abandoned pile of marking cast aside to her left as she lay on her leather couch; her head propped up on one fluffy, cream pillow. It's lonely, but Nikki likes the stillness. She can think more clearly, well she usually could. However, right now she is tired, the irritating kind of tired where her brain wants to keep working but she keeps losing her train of thought. She needs caffeine. Coffee.  
Good old coffee.  
When she stops sleeping, work and personal life combing together with a crash and exhausting her, coffee essentially replaces her blood - She drinks it out of sheer physical need.  
Swinging her legs off the couch and planting her feet firmly on the floor, she stands up. Her eyes quickly scan along the wall, fixing upon her wall clock. 4:47Am.  
No point in going to bed, really. She thought to herself as she plodded through to her kitchen in her cotton Christmas pyjamas. Nothing like getting in the spirit early.

Fumbling in the dark, trying to get the plug in the plug socket to get the kettle to work (after a heated rant at the inanimate object of how useless it was) she managed to plug it in, boiling the water; listening to it humming and bubbling as it steamed into perfect rings.

As she sat back down on the sofa she nursed the cup of boiling black coffee, secure in both her hands giving her the warmth and strength she needed  
As she inhaled the warm, soothing steam that freely left the cup, her eyes involuntary closed. So good!  
Nikki's eyes glanced to the clock once again;  
5:47.  
Bloody hell! Arguing with the kettle must have taken longer than I thought...

She looked in the mirror after having her shower. Her eyes widened in horror. To say she was pale was an understatement. One thing coffee cannot fix; sadly.  
She quickly grabbed her make-up bag, dissecting the essentials from the bag.  
Mascara; for her amazingly long eyelashes. Watermelon flavour lip-balm for her soft lips. Foundation to mask her tired skin and blusher to give her cheeks a flushed tone.  
Squirting a little foundation into her palm, she rubbed both her hands together before smearing the toned liquid all over her face and neck letting it blend. She swept the mascara brush gently over her already long black eyelashes. Next was her lip balm before sweeping her cheeks over with a pinkie shade of blusher.

The sound of her heels tapping against the cold, hard tiled floor resounded throughout the corridors of Waterloo Road.  
On her shoulder hung her bag, held tightly against her chest in her left hand were three folders full of GCSE English coursework; marked at half one that morning leading her to no sleep. And in her right hand she held a cup of takeaway Starbucks coffee. – Coffee again.  
She became aware that during her daydream she had walked three doors past her own classroom. Sighing, she reversed and opened the door skilfully with her elbow.  
She slowly walked into her classroom, setting her folders down on her desk, her back facing the door as she took a sip of coffee. She felt someone's breath painting the skin on the back of her neck. The aftershave smelt familiar...  
"Tom. I know it's you." She giggled, turning round.  
"Damn." He chuckled. "Is that coffee I see? Late night?" He winked, but suddenly felt a pang of jealousy at the thought she was-  
"No." She said, sternly. "Well yes, but not in the way that your meaning. I was marking." She gestured towards the folders on her desk, smiling softly. Tom smiled a relieved smile.  
"Come on, you; staff meeting. Your Starbucks too." He said as he chuckled, turning and exiting the room heading in the direction of the staffroom.  
Nikki giggled and enclosed her cup within her hands, keeping a tight grip on it as she followed Tom.

"And lastly, I would like you to all welcome back Nikki," Michael added after his rant on how he needed all the head of department's departmental budgets on his desk by Friday at the latest.

He's finished talking and he is watching her expectantly. Nikki was stood with Sian, her cheeks flushing an extraordinary shade of scarlet as everyone's eyes averted their gaze to her.  
She flashed her radiant smile awkwardly, at everyone before turning back to Sian who was giggling at her.  
"You're as red as my blazer!" Sian chuckled to which Nikki rolled her eyes. Sian's eyes darted to the door as Jez walked through the staffroom door. She smiled at Nikki before walking over to Jez and pressing her lips to his. Nikki rolled her eyes at the pair.

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The day seemed to pass by slowly. She had drawn together a conclusion that it was because there was _no coffee_. Michael had drunk the last.

_ Yeah, he so needed it._ She rolled her eyes at the thought of him sat drinking coffee. _Her coffee._ Oh god. _I am not getting jealous over coffee, no way..._

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"Can anyone tell me what your_ personal_ thoughts are after finishing _of mice and men?_" Tom asked as he paced in front of the classroom. His eyes averted to the class.

_"Kate?"_ He said with a smile that reached his eyes.

_"I really liked the book, sir. It's like everyone is lonely in one way or another. It seems as if all these lonely character's; with the exception of Curley's wife as she just thinks that Lennie is 'nuts' going on about rabbits, are particularly drawn into George and Lennie's dream. Candy and Crooks both ask if they can be a part of buying the farm when they learn of George and Lennie's plan. I think this is because they feel it would be a place they could feel as if they finally belonged and they were not alone. I also found the way it started at the brush talking about their dream and ended at the brush talking about their dream, before George killed Lennie really effective."_

She said, moving her hands in the air to verbally explain her point.  
Tom smiled at her and nodded. "I agree; anyone else?" He questioned looking around at the silent class.

_Oh dear god._

He sighed and turned to the whiteboard before writing a task on the board. "Write the date and title, _underline them both_ and then do task 1, 4, and 5 in your textbook. Page 135,"

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Nikki sighed as the bell rang for the end of the day. Standing up, she tucked a stray piece of her straight brown hair behind her ear. She looked up from her files as there was a knock on her door.

_It was Tom._

"Alright Boston," he smiled, walking over to her.  
"Hi Tom," She smiled packing her belongings and work together before putting her bag over her shoulder and standing up straight; looking at him. His pale blue orbs twinkling as he watched her.  
"Where are you going in such a rush?" He asked, seeing how fast she had packed up, ready to leave.  
Nikki shrugged. "I have _somewhere_ to be..." She smiled, walking over to the door. "I'll speak to you later Tom..." She said before rushing out and running to her car, briskly.

Tom sighed. _Was she avoiding me?_ He couldn't help but wonder...  
He sighed and walked back to his classroom, wondering what he could of possibly done.


	4. Trust Men?

**_A/N: I don't know whether to continue this story? If your reading, review and tell me:-) Give me criticism so I can make my writing better! _**

**_Thank you to the people that have reviewed on the chapters, let me know if I should carry on. _**

**_P.S: I still love quotes!_**

**_Sammiee Jay x x_**

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**_Disclaimer: I DON NOT OWN WATERLOO ROAD OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS! _**

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**_Chapter Four_**

_Trust men and they will be true to you;_

_Treat them greatly and they will show themselves great._

**~ Ralph Wardo Emerson**

A shiver ran through Nikki's body as she stepped onto the sodden grass. Surrounded by high walls; heavy iron gates which are usually padlocked during closing hours. Many mature trees shutting out sunlight, making the graveyard seem even more chilling than she thought was possible. A musky smell invaded her nostrils as she moved over, closer to the damper areas, causing an involuntary shiver to run down Nikki's spine. It is cool and extremely quiet; the only sounds are the birds squawking and the squelching of the mud ridden grass beneath her shoes.

_There it was._

_She walked up to her sister's headstone slowly and carefully, glancing at all the other many headstones around._

_Inscribed on the front of a marble headstone, were the words Nikki had chosen. _

**_'Amanda Hope Boston. 1974-2012_**

**_Died age 33_**

**_Life was a journey and now it's time to rest._**

**_Thy remembrance shall endure into all generations. – 102nd Psalm. '_**

Nikki took a deep, shaky breath and exhaled out slowly; stalling the tears that she could feel pricking in her eyes already.

Her cheeks were stained pink with the outer perishing cold and inner heat of being so close yet feeling so far away from her sister.

As she glanced round at the graves surrounding her sisters, she expected to see fresh flowers placed carefully and with love. She was horrified to see the flowers all dried up, losing colour in the fractal petals that was once a vibrant shade of red and even worse; some had none at all.

Bending down gracefully, she replaced the old flowers for some carnations; slotting them easily into the vase.

She set the carrier bag down onto the grass, sitting on it – cross legged.

"I did it, sis..." She whispered into the cool air. "I took the job..." She almost felt like she had to tell her.

"I also saw Tom." She smiled. _Tom._ She couldn't describe how he made her feel.

When his hand was in hers; every move of his palm, every squeeze of his hand and every brush of his fingers...she felt _everything._

He was her favourite thought, she never ran out of things to think about, things to admire.

As Tom drove home, all he could think about was her.

_Bloody traffic lights! _He cursed.

His head turned to look out of the window, glancing into the cemetery.

It looked empty; deserted.

He quickly indicated to turn into the graveyard and parked outside.

He was going to visit his mother's grave. He often went; to acknowledge how important she was to him before she passed away, or to tell her how much he loved her. He often forgot to tell her or, was too busy.

His eyes glanced around until they stopped on a figure.

No, it wasn't...

Nikki moved a piece of hair away from her face, confirming Tom's thoughts.

Her long, elegant finger wiped under each of her eyes gently.

She wasn't crying..._she was._

He slowly walked up to her, the muddy grass squelching beneath his shoes. He stopped behind her.

"Nikki," he implored, shuffling so his knee was next to her thigh as she bent down in front of her sister's grave.

Her head instantly lifted up at the sound of his voice.

She raked her eyes over his face, his chest and his legs. This was the man she'd secretly loved more than anyone she had ever met before, he was warm, strong and knew when to push and when to let go. The first man in a long time that trusted with her life, but somehow she couldn't tell him.  
"Nik, you can tell me..." He said softly.

Nikki looked up at him, and for the first time since her sister had passed away – she didn't feel alone.

"My sister..." she breathed into the air, leaving little puffy clouds of breath vapour. "She passed away a few months back...she was ill for a long time. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later...I just with it was later." She swiped angrily at another tear as it fell helplessly from her eye. "I just hate the fact I can't do anything about it..._She's gone_ and I can do nothing to bring her back!" And finally her protective barrier had dropped, letting him see the real her. The woman who cried, the woman who was often _strong for too long_, the woman who had been to war, _witnessed it all_...yet still had fears and weakness'.

Tom was stood still, taking it all in.

_Did she feel like she couldn't have talked to him?_

He extended his right arm and found her hands, pulling her to stand as he pulled her into a warm embrace.

"Sorry...I shouldn't cry..." she mumbled into his shoulder, breathing him in; his distinctive scent invading her nostrils – soothing her.

"Hey," he whispered into her ear,_ "We need never be ashamed of our tears." _He continued. "Know who said that?"

Nikki bobbed her head up and down against his chest, mumbling a barely audible "Charles Dickens."

Tom tightened his grip on her, his strong arms giving her comfort; making her feel safe.

_"Are you okay?"_ Tom asked her, his voice soft and concerned.

"Honestly? No, but I will be. I'll get through it." _She always did_.

Tom looked at her, unconvinced.

"Really Tom," she said, wiping her damp eyes. "I'm just gonna take a bath, do some work and go to sleep. It'll pass," Nikki sighed, looking down.

"Nik, this isn't a cold, it won't just _pass_."

"Come on; let me take you to mine. You can sleep in the spare room. You can have that bath, you can sleep, but you are not doing any work." He said, watching her at arm's length, his hands resting softly on her shoulders. "I'll even throw in a hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows..." he said, flashing his thousand-watt smile that reached up and crinkled the corners of his brilliantly blue eyes. In all fairness, it was enough to make just about _anyon_e swoon.

She looked at him, before nodding slowly.

"Okay...but I'd prefer _coffee_."


	5. You're not alone

A/N: A little update. Okay, so I'm not really happy with this part...I've written it...re-written it...and re-written it again, and this is the best...I think. haha. I'm never happy with my writing but I hope this is okay:-)  
Sammiee x

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Disclaimer: HAHAHAHAH. yeah. no.

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_Don't tell me the moon is shining._

Show me the glint of light on broken glass.  
  
**_~ Anton Chekhov_**

Nikki was watching out of the window, focussing on each little delicate snowflake that fluttered gracefully down from the heavens, her fingers rested on the pane of glass in the car as she watched on, in her own little world.  
Her equilibrium was off balance and she was a bit shocked to find that they were now parked up outside of Toms house.

It was flurrying when she stepped out of the car and Nikki smiled up at the sky.  
Though beautiful, the snow was cold and sharp as it bit at their fingers and the wind kissed their cheeks in the perishing breeze. Large flakes fell from heaven as if the angels were having a pillow fight above their heads. Crisp white layers of snow covered every open spot of land; transforming the landscape; making it a magical land full of wonder and undiscovered mysteries.  
Greenock was pretty in the winter, when she wasn't trudging and climbing through slush. The place sparkled. It smelt festive. Everyone seemed either cheery or too busy to bother being belligerent. Or, maybe it was the scene that the veil of white snow that lay on top of every object created.  
She grabbed her bag and headed towards his house.

"Why don't you, go up for a bath? I can get some ice cream ready for when you're done and you can grab a shirt out of my wardrobe," he smiled warmly at her.  
Nikki looked up at him. "Yeah, thanks Tom." She smiled, standing up. "Where's the bathroom?"  
"Up the stairs, turn right." He smiled as he watched her walk slowly up the stairs.  
She walked into the bathroom, her eyes widening. It was a rather large bathroom. There was a stand up shower and a bath that could fit around three people in. She made sure there was a towel before running a warm, deep bath.  
She stripped down to nothing, trailing her elegant index finger down a long, deep scar on her wrist. She sighed and stepped into the bath; all her cares evaporating with the steam.

Reaching into Tom's elaborate wardrobe, Nikki pulled out a deep cobalt button down.  
She dressed herself before putting her damp hair back in her hair-band.  
She looked at herself in the mirror, pinning her side fringe back off her face.

"Nik! The ice cream's ready when you are!" Tom shouted up as he stood in the kitchen, scooping two rather generous proportions of the home made cookie dough ice cream cake into two bowls.  
He took them through to the lounge and placed them onto the coffee table; turning on an old episode of Miranda.  
Nikki plodded down the stairs in tom's deep cobalt shirt, her tanned legs on show. She walked into the lounge, instantly drawing the attention of Tom. She was wearing his shirt. Actually, wearing his shirt. He felt his eye's begin to drift and instantly averted them to the ice cream cake.  
Nikki smiled and sat down on the couch, crossing her legs and putting a fluffy pillow in her lap as he passed her, her bowl.  
"Thank you." She smiled as she looked down at the substance that the bowl contained. She brought the spoon to her mouth and closed her lips around it. It tasted exactly as it looked. It toed the line between sickeningly sweet and deliciously decadent, like cookies dipped in cake batter. And it was undeniably delicious.  
"Mm," she murmured the spoon still in her mouth. "That's good!"  
Tom let out a chuckle. "Always was Josh's favourite as a kid,"  
"Speaking of Josh, how is he?" Nikki asked with a warm smile, eating more of the heavenly substance.  
"He's great. The job is going great in Rochdale too." He smiled softly, going over to sit next to her.  
Nikki looked at him and smiled, moving closer to him. "That's good; and what about you?" Looking up at him, she caught his gaze.  
"I'm good...just worried about you." He whispered, his hand rested on her knee.  
They were both sat in the corner of his dully lit lounge on his leather settee, the windows were almost bursting at the seams due to the late night glow off the moon.  
Tom looked at her before wrapping his arms around her. Her head and hands were resting on his muscular chest; basking in each other's ambiance, creating each other's warmth. A nostalgic feeling had indulged itself onto both of them; giving a feeling that this should have been for a long time.  
Tom looked down at her, his eyes dulled by the dark light.  
He gave that sweet smile, that one that she loved. Caressing her cheek, he lifted her chin; their noses almost touching now as they stared longingly into each other's eyes. She could feel the warmth of his unsteady breath brushing the top of her lips.  
"What do you want me to do?" He whispered his breath hot on her face.  
"Stay." She replied instantly in no more than a whisper. "No matter how hard it may be to be around me, Just stay." And, parting her lips slightly, leant in towards him. Tom instantly mirrored her actions slowly but just before their lips could brush over each other's a loud grumble of thunder echoed throughout the house; followed by a large, ground shaking, and bright flash of lightning. A scream escaped Nikki's lips as she shook violently. She rested her head on Tom's chest and he wrapped his arms tighter around her. She hated loud noises. She always had. Even when she was in the Army she had hated the loud noises the guns used to make, and the shouting. The Army was the one place that she felt she wasn't alone; she was in a troop. Tom looked down at her, watching her features closely; his nimble finger brushing against the soft skin of her cheek as he watched her.  
"Don't worry," he whispered into her ear. _"You're not alone."_


	6. Rumour has it

"Rumours are a vehicle for anxieties and aspirations that may not be openly expressed." ~ JAMES SCOTT, Extravagant Expectations of Freedom

A week had passed. A long cold, dreary week of thick snow and rain. It was exactly a week till Christmas, and as it grew nearer, Nikki dreaded and fretted more. She had grown closer to tom after their encounter the week previous, however nothing was spoke of it; even if that was all they would both think about.

Nikki Boston is many things; an artist, painting on a smile, an actress, holding back the tears that brew at every snide comment, every dull, dark memory, and a doctor, trying to fix her broken heart, but Nikki was not one to have ever started rumours, nor spread them Especially none as manipulative as the ones going round the school about her.

It had been devastating for her to hear about the rumours. Even more devastating to find out the way she did... Walking into the staffroom like any other normal day at back at Waterloo Road, Nikki let a slow, steady breath escape her lips. She became aware of various eyes glancing at her as they whispered quietly to one another. The niggling curiosity was getting the better of her. What are they talking about? Is it me? Why are they looking at me? What's going on? And all of a sudden, the room began to make her feel slightly sterile, like the room itself was trying to inform her, tell her something, wash things away with the whites and beiges within the room. As she heard her name being called in a voice which sounded all too much like Sian's, her head turned round with interest. "Is it true?" Sian asked easily, as if Nikki should know precisely what she was on about, and by the look on her face; it wasn't good. "Is what true, Sian?" Nikki spoke, possibly more abruptly than she had intended to at first...but it was infuriating her. Nikki ran a hand through her hair, mussed by frequent passes through it that morning whilst frantically drinking a cup of warm coffee. The soothing aroma caressed her nasal passages, seeping through her lungs like a silk sheet. Her mouth watering as the coffee mug nears her neutral-coloured plump quivering lips, only to be taken in by a desperate yearning in her mouth. The coffee warming her tingling tongue as it slips through her ever welcoming throat, gliding down it with ease and precision. "That you sold a student drugs?" She said, almost coldly. Wait, what? She felt her palm twitch and clench into a fist, anger turning to sadness, to self pity, turning to self doubt. The feeling was back. She feels displaced, almost a loss of feeling or touch, panic running through her body. The feeling of being outside of your body, the dizziness striking, causing a hand to fly up to her head. She suddenly feels like she is losing touch with reality. She grabbed anything and everything in her reach, balancing herself before she could hit the cold, hard floor. Her emotions spun dizzily until she could straighten herself up slightly, taking great gulps of air, filling her lungs. "What are you lot gawping at!" Nikki flipped as she saw the rest of the staff watch on at her, her eyes filling with tears. "Nik, are you-"Sian began to speak, but before her sentence could progress any further, Nikki had cut her off. "Don't you dare?" She snarled. "I thought I could trust you, Sian! I thought you were different! How the hell could you believe I would do something like that?" She said, well and truly hurt. Is this really how little they think of me? And with a quick gulp of air, she clutched her folders in her hands tightly as she stormed to her classroom, slamming the door behind her as the pane of glass dislodging as it hit the hard wooden doorframe with force, making dried paint curl up and drop to the ground gracefully. As Nikki sat at her desk, her head hung in her hands, a tear silently falling – slipping onto the desk. As Tom's head peaked around the doorframe, his eyes lingered on the woman behind the desk. The woman he had grown closer to over the past week more than he thought was possible. Carefully, he walked up to her desk, his hand resting on hers on her cheek as he looked down at her. She lifted her head from his hands slowly, thinking it was going to be Sian, however was shocked to find a smile gracing her lips at the sight of this amazing man. "Guess you've heard the rumour, too then?" He sighed, his nimble thumb running over the contours of her soft cheek and Nikki simply nodded. "Don't get upset when someone starts putting you down, Nik. They're only doing it because they're unhappy with themselves. The best revenge is just moving on and getting over it. Don't give someone the satisfaction of watching you suffer. I think it was Dorian Gray who said 'There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.' You have me, Nik. You'll always have me." He said softly, stroking her cheek. And with that, Nikki's head lifted up to smile softly at him. "Well if I have you, then I have nothing to worry about, ay." She whispered, smiling. "No, no you don't. Because we both know the truth and so will everybody else soon." 


	7. Everybody has weakness

_A/N: I'm not so sure on this chapter, I feel it's more of a fill chapter; however it does contain like, important things for future chapters:')  
Let me know what you think. If my writing has kind of deteriorated, It's because I'm ill haha:(  
I feel like I'm suffering with man-flu...even though I'm a girl...I'm so dramatic haha. ;)  
Anyway I'll quit the babbling cause I'm kind of getting carried away here...  
Just one more point, this is mainly a chapter to do with Nikki, It's not really Tikki at all this chapter  
(Unless you class the ending bit as Tikki...) but hey-ho.  
I promise, they will get together at some point...  
OR WILL THEY? dun dun dun...;)  
On with the chapter. Sammiee x_

-

**_"You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."  
~ Jonathan Safran Foer_**

_The gunshots were not as loud as Nikki had anticipated. An ear piercing crack resonated throughout the landscape. The metal fragments, spiralling through the dulled air, pierced her chest and torso without consideration, without real meaning or relevance, and with more speed than the fastest of living things. The wounds in her flesh leaked fresh crimson blood much like the way crying eyes leak tears. Falling to the ground, a dull ache was forming in her chest and torso. All the sound of gunshots, shouting from her comrades and the opposition were silent; and yet she was so calm.  
Nikki was stunned, to know she was probably dying, and not be overwhelmed by the emotion she had assumed would accompany such a violent end. There was something altogether serene as she bled out, losing consciousness, a glassy, vacant look in her usually piercing blue eyes._

The images swirled before her right until the end, leaving that last scene of war imprinted upon her mind without the oxygen to sustain it.  
Suddenly everything went completely silent. All movement around her slowed to an excruciating pace. She could feel her pulse pounding through her shaken body, escaping in torrents through the open, seeping wound.  
At this moment she felt no pain, felt no sorrow. She was totally amazed by all that surrounded her. The army greens, her comrades shooting worried looks at each other and concerned ones at Nikki. Looking down at her hand, she flexed it; amazed at how her muscles flexed back and forth perfectly, hard to believe that soon, there would be no life within her muscles and body.

-

Nikki's eyes shot open in fear, her hands consciously on her abdomen, as if her nightmare would become reality within a matter of seconds. She was shaking. Oh god, she was shaking so bad the covers were rustling; the sound of crisp white freshly laundered sheets crinkling and shaking.

Of course, she had barely slept. Two hours at the most. All her brain was allowing to process was the rumours and her nightmare. She was beginning to doubt herself. Beginning to wonder why they were making up such lies which couldn't be further from the truth.

-

_"When the night came again it was black night, for the stars could not pierce the dust to get down, and the window lights could not even spread beyond their own yards. Now the dust was evenly mixed with the air, and emulsion of dust and air. Houses were shut tight, and cloth wedged around doors and windows, but the dust came in so thinly that it could not be seen in the air, and it settled like pollen on the chairs and tables, on the dishes. The people brushed it from their shoulders. Little lines of dust lay at the door sills." Nikki read aloud from the novel 'The Grapes of Wrath.'_  
Looking up from the page filled with text, she saw the vacant looking faces of her students.

"Are there any questions?" Nikki questioned her class as she stood at the front behind her desk, leaning against the white wall, her arms crossed over her chest.  
All the students managed a snigger in reply, and somehow Nikki regretted asking that question.

"How much you selling drugs for, Miss? What's next? Selling your body?" David  
sniggered, causing the class to follow suit, looking at Nikki and laughing.

Nikki could feel it again. The panic, the dizziness, the worry...

Resting a hand on the desk, she steadied herself, welling up.

"I don't know who started this rumour, but when I find out-" Nikki began to say, her voice sounding vulnerable and childlike; naive even.

"Bet it was Clarkson," Ronan added, a smirk placed on his lips.

"It is not T- Mr Clarkson. I can assure you of that." She snapped at the class.

"Ooh, so you're screwing Clarkson?" Amy said, feeling the need for her voice to be added to the raw within the classroom.

"Me and Mr Clarkson are just friends. That is all. Now I would like it if you all stopped spreading untrue rumours. It isn't nice and quite frankly It's very pathetic and childlike." Nikki interjected, finally finding her voice as the bell sounded throughout the four walls of the classroom.

As she watched all of the students push and shove their way out of her classroom, barging chairs, desks and classmates out of the way, she thought about everything. Why they were saying these things, why she was having these horrendous dreams again, why she suddenly felt useless and like she was a worthless and unvalued member of staff.

The unexpected sharp thud and sudden hollow echo of knuckles rapping on the door could be heard, and Nikki's head lifted up. Her eyebrows knitted together as she saw the doorway empty, the room uninhabited except for herself and the possessions.  
Standing up slowly, her eyes glanced around the room, beginning to feel uneasy. She walked over to the door and Nikki was sure her heart skipped a beat as she saw a little white envelope on the floor. Bending down cautiously, she picked the blank envelope up off the cold marble floor.

Ripping open the crisp white envelope and pulling out the piece of lined paper within, she read the printed note.  
_  
'I know about your past. And I'm going to make your life hell. I will destroy you. Watch out.'_

Great drops fell from her eyes; ragged currents flowing down her cheeks onto the wilted collar of her shirt.

_Who's doing this to me?_ Nikki thought as she let the salty tears fall from her eyes.  
Sian and Tom's voices could be heard, getting louder and louder as they grew nearer to Nikki's classroom.

Stopping in the doorway, Sian and Tom looked at Nikki, both allowing themselves a concerned look to wash over their faces.

"Nik?" Tom whispered into the shocked silence as he walked over to Nikki, Sian following suit.

Taking the note off Nikki, Sian read it, allowing a gasp to escape her lips.  
"I'm so sorry, Nik...I should have believed you..." Sian whispered, her eyes looking up to meet with Nikki's teary crystal like blue ones while Tom wrapped his arms around her limp frame, her head burying into his strong chest in hope it would take some of the pain away for a short while at least.


	8. What do I do?

Another update. One thing. Please do not kill me.

-

**_~The weakness of men is the facade of strength; the strength of women is the facade of weakness. ~_**

**_-  
_**  
Opening her eyes with much more effort than she had intended, she sighed in pain. As she brought her hand up to rest on her forehead, she ran her fingers over it, scrunching her eye's up as a dull throbbing pain carried on taking up the whole space of her cranium. The only thing keeping her sane was the fact it was the last day before Christmas break; and even that was hard. No company. No people to be around. Feeling isolated in her own home. But worst of all, no Tom; none of his wise comments, none of his little ways to make her day brighter with that single smile.  
However right now, the Blood roared behind her ears in time with the hammer pounding inside her head.

It would be so easy to open her bedside cabinet and grab a paracetamol. But she didn't want a pain pill, though. Pills were addicting. Pills could become a crutch.  
And her father. She couldn't do it. She couldn't follow his ways. She couldn't let herself get hooked on.._.God, oh, God, it hurt._

And then air came in short pants and the world became narrow. She raised her hand to her head to try and physically calm the racing pulse in her head, the pounding and banging against her skull, all while her brain simply replayed images.  
Images she tried so hard to forget. Images she should never have been subjected to see at such a young age in anyway.

As she turned her head slightly in the direction of her bedside cabinet, she saw the note. All she could think of were questions. Why? Who? What had she done?  
With a sigh, Nikki got out of bed, plodding her way across her soft white carpet. As the fur stroked against her feet; it instantly began to soothe her. She stopped and just stood for a minute, thinking things through before making her way to the bathroom. A towel draped over her arm, her fingers clutching a flannel and a wash bag containing body wash, shampoo and conditioner. – Cherry scented of course. Tom loved cherry.  
Her shower gel was plain; smelling of the mouth-watering scent of fresh ripened Cherries; Romantic, pure and cleansing. Her shampoo, however, had an extraordinary scent; making Nikki like she is sitting in the midst of a forest of cherry trees in full bloom; Romantic, sensual, purifying, cleansing, and calming.

As Nikki walked through the open door of the staffroom, she could not deny that she felt awkward. There was no doubt that everyone already knew about the note, and...God, oh, God... _'I know about your past. And I'm going to make your life hell. I will destroy you. Watch out.'_ The threatening words were embedded in her mind; replaying with every blink, every breath...every move, constantly scanning people, wondering who to trust, who not to trust...

The wonderfully strong aroma of dark roasted coffee beans invaded Nikki's nostrils, turning her mind of her problems for a split second as her head turned to see Michael by the coffee machine.

Walking further into the staffroom, she placed her tote handbag down onto one of the chairs.

"Want one?" She heard Michael offer in a warm tone of voice which brought a slight smile to her lips.

"Erm, yeah thank you, Michael." She replied softly, walking over to the coffee machine and standing next to him, close enough for their thighs to touch but their bodies apart enough to be acceptable.

"We are all behind you, you know..." Michael said gently as he carefully poured the steaming hot liquid into the cup to merge with the coffee granduals.

Nikki looked up at him, a loss for words. Initially, she had thought that everyone was against her, everyone would be too busy snooping around trying to find out about her 'dirty past' to be worried about the effect it would have on Nikki and her life, but as she heard Michael was still talking, she let her thoughts subside, beginning to listen once again.

"...We don't care. We really do not care about whatever your past was. It's about what and who you are now. And I can tell you honestly, that you are a pretty remarkable woman, Nikki..." Michael said softly, edging a little closer to her.  
Tilting her head to the side a little, Nikki felt her lips curve up into a small smile as she processed his words.

"Really?" It escaped her mouth before she could put her brain into action, but it was true..._did they really not care? Or was he just saying that to try and make her feel better? Either way...It was working._

Michael's head bobbed up and down, signalling to her that they really didn't care about her past, which in a way, took away Ninety Nine percent of the worry about it all coming out.

"Mint?" Michael chirped as he stood beside her, nibbling on a piece of chocolate which she could only guess contained mint.

A strong scent of Wintergreen, Spearmint, and Peppermint invaded her nostrils, replacing the one of strong coffee; a very refreshing, and cooling scent. As she nodded, she expected him to pass her one; instead she found a chocolate mint being softly placed into her mouth_. God, wow...that tastes good...really good. _

A Stream of dark and creamy yet crunchy mix sliding down her throat, making her mouth water, the chocolate soothing her slightly, relishing in the sense of happiness it brought her for a few seconds.

"Mm, that tastes amazing!" Nikki smiled, licking her lips before taking a sip of coffee, making the mint left in her mouth seem more divine than it had previously tasted._ God, this is culinary intercourse._

As if reading Nikki's mind, Michael let out a low laugh, shaking his head slightly causing Nikki's cheek's flush a deep crimson shade.

Nikki suddenly felt uneasy. She became aware of Michael's hand encircling her hip, turning her to face him, her face merely inches away from his.

"Michael..." She whispered her breath hot against his face, but before she could continue, her mug was no longer in her hand, the warmth gone and sitting on the side as Michael rested a hand on her waist, kissing her lips gently.

All kinds of things were running through her mind at this point. _Stop, No, Don't do this, you don't love him, you love Tom..._ But somehow, she couldn't stop. She thought that this was her only chance of love..._Tom didn't love her. He didn't; couldn't._  
Slowly, Nikki began to respond as he began nibbling on her bottom lip, his arms around her waist, backing her against the work top.

Tom wrinkled his nose at the stench of freshly brewed coffee coming from the staffroom, and released a long sigh. With an air of martyrdom, he peeled off one of his woolly gloves and pushed gingerly at the rough wooden door of the staffroom, decorated with ink of pens and scratches from bags and briefcases being knocked into it. As he gently placed down his briefcase on the table, slightly undoing his tie, he froze.

Turning his head in the direction of the coffee machine, he felt his heart all but shatter. That cannot be Michael and Nikki...she wouldn't do that to me...  
But as Michael's kisses began to travel down Nikki's neck, her face being in full view now he felt a lump form in his throat and his eyes brim with tears that stung at his eyes.

Nikki's eyes were closed, however. She didn't _want _this. _She wanted Tom_. But she couldn't _have_ him...she didn't want to ruin their friendship.

Finally finding his voice, Tom coughed; his eye's still slightly wide in shock and hurt.  
Michael pulled back slowly and turned to look at Tom as Nikki's eyes shot open.

"I..." Tom stuttered out. "I thought you were different, Nikki. I thought you were special." He whispered, turning round. "Looks like I was wrong." And with that, he walked out of the staffroom, the dull ache in his chest becoming unbearable.

"Tom!" Nikki shouted, pushing Michael away as she ran out of the staffroom after him, tears falling down her face.


End file.
